


Roses are red, peacocks are white.

by becauseitwasreal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dick Jokes, M/M, also AU i suppose because James is very much alive thank you very much, i wish this was a crackship but at this point i'm pretty sure i'm 100 percent serious about this, it's definitely a bit of a crackfic tho, look i wrote something that isn't angst!, this is a bit of a fluffly shippy thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 02:52:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12761592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becauseitwasreal/pseuds/becauseitwasreal
Summary: The blossoming relationship between James Potter and Lucius Malfoy seen from the perspective of one of the latter's most treasured pets.





	Roses are red, peacocks are white.

**Author's Note:**

> I wish this was a crackship but at this point I'm not even sure it is.
> 
> This was written for the prompt: write from the perspective of an animal.

His human was acting weird. He didn’t know what exactly was going on with him, but he appeared to be whistling. Lord Arcturus strained his ears – maybe they were betraying him, and the sound was warped by the small white feathers that covered them – but the sound was really there. He hadn’t seen such preposterous behaviour since seventh son had attempted to practice his mating ritual on his ageing grandmother.

In truth, perhaps the human’s behaviour seemed so disturbing because of the sharp contrast it formed with his behaviour the last five years. The man had seemed downcast after the death of his beloved mate – a somewhat scary human, it was agreed among the peacocks. She had been there when their human had first handpicked them and gave them their names, but she had always laughed at them, as if their snow white beauty was somehow ridiculous to her. Every time their human had come to the garden, she had been standing in the doorstep, slowly shaking her head.

“Peacocks aren’t pets, dear. Buy a dog.”

“We have two dogs, Cissa.”

“Buy more dogs. What good are those overgrown birds?”

His human had looked offended, and rightly so. “They’re elegant. We’re elegant.”

The mate had rolled her eyes, and Lord Arcturus had never understood why. They _were_ elegant. In fact, he had been rather jealous of his human’s mate. However beautiful any of the peacocks would ever grow, they would never quite life up to the standard of her grace.

“Good morning, Lord Arcturus,” his human said, bringing him back to the here and now. Goodness gracious, he was actually smiling.

Lord Arcturus laid his head against his human’s stretched out hand, and revelled in the touch of his fingers on his feathery neck. If he could purr, he would. Instead, he remained silence. Calling would only attract the other peacocks, and he quite liked to have the human’s attention to himself. He nibbled at the food his human presented to him, careful not to hurt his hands. He had accidentally pecked at one of his fingers three years ago, and he still felt guilty about it.

“My my, isn’t someone glad to see me.”

 _I’m always glad to see you_ , Lord Arcturus would have said, but again, that was not part of his physical capabilities.

“Lucius? Hey, Malfoy? Where are you hiding?” a strange voice called out. “You know it’s like six in the morning, right?”

Lord Arcturus’s head shot up in the air. A stranger? Was it an intruder. He was ready to spread out his tale and fend off any possible attacker.

“It’s all right, Archie,” his human said, and immediately Lord Arcturus allowed his body to relax. “He’s with me.”

Oh, how much Lord Arcturus would have given for a voice right now, a voice which he could use to ask questions. How dare his human bring a stranger into _his_ garden?

“Good morning, James.”

A man, wearing only boxers, a crumbled shirt and his messy mop of raven hair appeared from behind the bushes, looking as if he had rolled straight from his bed. “What in Godric’s name are you doing outside at this time of _night_ , Lucius?”

“I’m an early riser,” his human elucidated. “I always feed the peacocks around this time.”

The stranger – James, apparently – looked at Lord Arcturus as if he did only now see him. “You own peacocks.”

“An astute observation.”

“Why?”

His human groaned, and Lord Arcturus crept closer to him, positioning himself between his human and the Jamesstranger. Whoever this he was, it wasn’t his turn to spend quality time with his human. It was Lord Arcturus’s turn now.

“They’re elegant.”

Jamesstranger snorted. “Of course they are.” He paused for a moment. “That bloke seems quite fond of you.”

“This is Lord Arcturus,” his human said, with a proud tint to his voice.

“Quite a mouthful.”

Jamesstranger appeared to be making fun of him. Lord Arcturus made an indignant sound.

“I call him Archie for short, but I think he only allows it because it’s me.”

“Ah, pets,” Jamesstranger said. “Just as proud as their owners.”

His human giggled. He actually _giggled_. “Cissa used to say the same thing. These animals were the bane of her existence.”

Jamesstranger frowned. “They’re not that bad, right? I mean, they seem pretty low-maintenance.”

“Wait until the mating season start and the garden is one chaotic zoo of peacock calls. I’ll talk to you then.”

Lord Arcturus was glad to see that Jamesstranger looked slightly afraid at that.

“Shall we start breakfast, now you’re awake anyway?”

Jamesstranger looked positively appalled at the idea. “I repeat, it’s six in the morning.”

“Would you like a stroll through the garden, perhaps?” his human offered. A sensible option. There would be many of Lord Arcturus’s kind around should Jamesstranger prove to be hostile.

 “Hmm,” Jamesstranger grumbled non-committedly. Then he grinned deviously. “Peacocks.”

His human raised an eyebrow. “I think we’ve established that I own peacocks by now, James. Your point, exactly?”

“ _Peacocks_.” Jamesstranger stroked some of his human’s white hair away and pressed their lips together. Suddenly Lord Arcturus saw the strange ritual for what it was, and he now understood the source of his human’s happiness. He had finally found a new mate. About time.

“James…”

“Let’s go back to bed, Lucius,” James nagged. “It’s still only six a.m. More than enough time for some peacocks before breakfast.”

“James, peacocks is _not_ going to be our codename for sex.”

James smiled. “It _so_ is.”


End file.
